Do You Love Me? How to Stop Seeking Reassurance
I often found myself seeking reassurance in my relationships, be it with a partner or a I do realize that sometimes asking these things is a part of normal human. The words we use day in and day out with our partners are powerful. Quite often, we don't even realize how much of an influence on our. Needing reassurance is part of being human; no one is totally self-sufficient. It takes courage to reach out and ask for support when needed.
What are you looking for?
Jon proceeded to ask her about the no-touch rule he felt she was enforcing. She kept beating around the bush, but she never answered the question. Jon decided that he wasn't going to put up with this and he called it off. He no longer had to worry about all the theories he had about her behavior. A few months later, Jon found out through a friend that Kara had been going through a divorce and was still hooking up with her ex.
The mystery behind her behavior wasn't so mysterious after all - it was clear that despite wanting a relationship, Kara really wanted a companion while she figured out what was happening in her divorce.
Jon was glad he expressed his concerns early on, saving months of false hope and foreseeable rejection. It's incredibly powerful to express your expectations and needs in a direct way to the person you care for. Both men and women with secure attachment styles naturally speak up, while people with anxious or avoidant attachment styles tend to struggle with getting their needs met. If Jon wouldn't have spoken up, he would not get his needs met because Kara was satisfied having him as an emotionally attached friend.
By asserting himself, Jon was able to help himself and avoid getting dragged along by someone else's agenda.
The Power of Reassurance in Your Relationship - Chelsea Krost
I'm sure I know what most of the anxious guys out there are thinking. But if I speak up, then I'll still be alone. This is not true. Ben and Julie were watching a movie for their fourth date.
Ben sat down first, near the middle. When Julia sat down she placed herself farther away, close to the armrest.
Why men don't give reassurance (and how to get some in 3 easy steps!)
To Ben, it felt like she had placed that large gap between them for a reason. At first he believed that she just didn't like him, but he decided to challenge his limiting belief and assert his desires.
In a flirtatious way Ben asked, "May I have a kiss? She looked at him and nodded. Ben leaned over and kissed her. Immediately after, she snuggled under his arm and she would occasionally kiss his cheek during the rest of the movie.
From that moment on, her shyness was never an issue in the relationship, even two years later. By Ben expressing his needshe closed the gap he felt between them. His directness bought the relationship closer, not only physically, but emotionally as well. A response to vulnerable communication is always very telling. It can bring your relationship closer, or it can help you avoid deadbeat relationships. These needs vary from person to person and are determined by our attachment style and emotional blueprint.
They aren't good or bad; they're simply what you need to have a healthy relationship and a healthy life. I relate to the anxious attachment styles. This style has a strong need for being close, and includes a frequent requirement to be reminded they are loved and respected.
The avoidant attachment style, on the other hand, needs space - either emotionally or physically. In order for us to have happy and fulfilling relationships, we need to assert our needs effectively without resorting to attacks or defensiveness. What someone says has everything to do with them and very little to do with you. Asserting Yourself Achieves 3 Goals 1 Pick the right partner. Asserting yourself and communicating effectively is the fastest and most direct way to recognize whether your prospective partner will be able to meet your needs.
Your date's response to your communication reveals more in five minutes than you will learn in five months without this kind of direct approach. If the other person shows a sincere wish to understand and make your needs a priority in the relationship, then you two have a promising future. If she makes you feel inadequate, foolish or pathetic, she doesn't have your best interest in mind and you are probably incompatible.
But most often, people simply need your empathic ear and caring heart. A human connection usually offers the most comfortable reassurance, rather than your advice or perspective. Feeling heard offers the reassurance that your friend is not alone. Being with them in their struggle is inherently reassuring. It takes courage to reach out and ask for help or support when needed. Do you have some time… or when would be a good time to talk?
Would it be ok to talk with you about it? People have limited time and attention spans. You may want to check in with the person or use your intuition about when it feels like enough—when you or your friend has reached a limit.
A good friend may tell you.
Asking For What You Need In A Relationship Isn't Needy, It's Sexy
Others may not want to offend you, but may distance from you if there is not a balance between speaking and listening. At some point—or on a different occasion—you can reciprocate by offering your presence, attention, and caring to your friend.
But you may want to consider seeking a therapist about a stubborn or recurring issue. Letting It In A big obstacle around seeking reassurance is this: Do we let it in when we get it?